Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize