Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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