Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
