I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
