She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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