naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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