Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
