Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
