I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just invented taco cereal.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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