dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
