Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
