Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
