i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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