sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I didn't shave. On purpose
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
