So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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