Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
this is an emotional support booty call
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
