FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
