I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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