if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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