my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
