Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
