i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dick very happy bro
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
