i just wanna soil my oats bro
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
