is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
