I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
