I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
