i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
