Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
