its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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