Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
