Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
