he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
