sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
