i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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