Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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