If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
