Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
