I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
