Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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