Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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