they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
