Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
