I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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