after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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