I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
where am i from again
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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