I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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