you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
