Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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