Already got asked if we're dating
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
