Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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