Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
