Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
