All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
