At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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