I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
