Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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