strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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