Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
