woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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