Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
