AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
