he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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