Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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