I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
