Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you never un-have a 4some
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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