omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
