Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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