Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
