Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
