i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The adults are the big ones right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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