I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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