He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
