you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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