I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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