So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize